If teenagers have a superpower, it’s the ability to shoot a dagger right where it hurts. Emotionally, of course. They seem to have the special talent to figure out your vulnerabilities, and then attack.

And it hurts.

But it’s not personal.

Even when it feels personal – even when it’s an attack on you directly. Even when it feels that it couldn’t be more personal.

It’s not personal.

When kids are acting out, that’s a coping crisis. That’s a child showing his inability to deal with a situation in a better way. When a kid says something hurtful to you, it’s not about you. It’s about his inability to handle whatever situation is frustrating him.

We’re not saying it’s easy – far from it – but when you don’t take things that your teen says personally, you’re better able to help him navigate the root issue. When we allow their words and actions to upset us, we’re leading with emotion rather than reason. And we know that when our prefrontal cortex goes offline, we can’t help our kids get theirs back online either.

That teenager superpower? The one where they can shoot daggers right where it hurts? Well, there’s a solution to that. It’s to simply not allow those daggers to do anything to us. Say it with us now. It’s not personal. It’s not personal. It’s not personal.