The teen years are a beautiful and challenging period of life as young people begin to establish their own identity, explore relationships and question their values and beliefs. This period of adolescence is formative and important, but it can also come with a few bumps in the road.

If you have a teen in your life, you may have noticed one of the biggest milestones of adolescence: leaving behind childhood (and adults) and stepping into adulthood (and peer relationships).

As kids develop into teenagers, they begin to lean more into their peer relationships and away from family and other adult relationships. While this is developmentally appropriate, it doesn’t make it any easier. It can be challenging for parents when their precious children shed some of their childhood qualities and step into their new, evolving identities – especially when part of that process means wanting nothing to do with their parents.

If you’re experiencing a teen who doesn’t seem interested in anything you have to say, consider these tips.

Pause and Reflect

Take a moment to think about your own teen years.

Who did you feel safe and comfortable around?

Where did you feel you could best express yourself?

How did you view adults and their behavior?

Reflecting on our own teen years helps us remember how tumultuous this period of life can be, and reminds us that it’s perfectly normal to shift our focus from adults to peers. This doesn’t mean we should stop trying to connect, but it allows us to have more empathy for teens as they navigate this complex age.

Start with Empathy

Teenagers are navigating relationships and social pressures with changing bodies, an overactive amygdala, an increase in pleasure hormones, and an under-developed prefrontal cortex. With all that going on… mood swings, annoyance or irritability with parents may be less about the parents and more about any number of those other factors. When interacting with teens, it’s important to remember that their development can be exciting but also comes with a flurry of emotions.

Consider Yourself a Stable Home Base

In our earliest years of life, our community consists of those in our immediate surroundings such as family and close family friends. As we age, we interact with wider groups and our communities expand. As teens begin to experience greater levels of independence, their communities grow and may include people such as classmates, teammates, teachers, coaches and more. By adolescence, the community of influence becomes much broader and includes awareness of public figures and state, national, and world issues. Social media enhances this awareness. Teens today have access to many more individuals who influence their thinking than teens of generations past.

As this field of influence grows, it’s doesn’t make families less important. In fact, it makes them even more important. What teenagers need from parents is a stable home base. With all the changes in their world, a stable, consistent, safe adult who loves them is the most important thing you can provide for them. As they go out and explore the world, having a stable base to come back to gives them the chance to safely navigate the complexity of the teenage years.

Be Physically Present

Teens often don’t interact with adults they way they did just a few years earlier. If you’re missing the lengthy recaps of the day you got from a third grader, you may be wondering why your teen won’t talk to you anymore. This is normal. Teens may want more privacy and may be less chatty than younger children. But when adults are physically present, they can often spend valuable quality time with their teens. This means being in the same room, off devices and away from distractions. If a child is playing video games, ask them to demonstrate how they work. If they’re making videos on their phone, have them show you. Have them teach you their favorite songs or dance moves. Take evening walks, grab coffee on Saturday afternoons or sit in the backyard after dinner with no distractions. During these times of presence, avoid coming in with an agenda and try not to dig for follow-up information if the teen doesn’t provide it. Just be present and take what they share with you as a gift.

They may not open up every time, but they may start to feel more comfortable talking to you when they feel you’re present and there for them.

Minimize Criticism

Teenagers are very sensitive to criticism and anything that seems critical might cause them to shut down. Comments about their clothes, body, friends or anything else that feels like a reflection of who they are can be very damaging. Teens who have a sense that their parents are critical of their choices or worse, their identity, are less likely to open up with their parents.

In the end, parents can keep their eyes on the prize. The goal is to build and maintain a safe, stable home base as teenagers go through life’s changes. If they seem to want nothing to do with you in the meantime, stay the course. They’ll come back around.

For more on supporting teens, download our free Teen Mental Health Toolkit at the link below.