Any tragedy involving children causes significant emotional distress, and parents often feel an even greater weight. When tragedy strikes, parents are reminded of a harsh reality – that they can’t always protect their children from harm. This can often lead to anxiety and worry, leaving parents afraid to let their children out of their sight. It can also lead to a sense of helplessness. Here are a few ways to manage this anxiety in the face of tragedy.

Make Room for Grief

It is important to acknowledge the grief that accompanies a tragedy, even if parents are fortunate to not have been directly impacted. The feelings that come with seeing other children suffer are real and painful and offer a stark reminder that there is much beyond a parent’s control. When these feelings aren’t addressed, they can build up until they accidentally explode. Instead, it’s important that parents acknowledge their feelings, express them through crying, journaling, talking with friends or seeing a mental health professional.

Identify a Support Network

Connecting with others is one of the most important ways to navigate difficult situations. Parents can identify others who can listen to their worries without judgement. This may be other parents, friends, family members, faith leaders or community members. While it can be helpful to talk about emotions with children, it’s important for adults to process deep, complex emotions with other adults to avoid placing this burden on children.

Take a Step Back

Parenting in the best of times is a lot of work. Many parents are at nearly full capacity all the time. During a time of stress, it doesn’t take much for the load to overflow. Managing this period may require parents to temporarily step back from certain obligations in order to function. They may skip a child’s practice, heat up leftovers or order groceries online just to make it through. Parents can identify how to reduce the load for a few days or weeks, until they have the capacity to handle it again.

Find Micro Moments of Regulation

In moments of extreme stress, regulating the brain and body is no small feat. While a person may typically engage in an hour-long yoga class or meditate throughout the day, during a time of stress, micro moments of regulation may be more realistic, and more important.

Parents can find tiny acts of regulation, such as stepping out in the sun, listening to a soothing song, engaging in a 30-second breathing exercise or taking a short walk. These tiny moments can help the brain and body return to a state of calm as it manages the ongoing stress.

Check in On the Nervous System

In addition to small moments of regulation, it’s helpful to check in on the nervous system throughout the day. This is an internal check. Parents can ask:

• What am I feeling right now?
• What is one thing I need?

These small proactive moments can prevent emotional buildup and allow parents to care for themselves in small ways throughout the day.

Prioritize Gratitude

When something big happens, it can be helpful to spend a week or two focusing on gratitude. At the end of the day, parents can name three good things that happened that day for themselves. They can then extend it to their families, which helps everyone remember that good things are still happening, and create a sense of safety.

Say “Right Now”

When a person feels helpless, it can create a spiral where they begin to feel they don’t have any control. It can be helpful to use the phrase “right now”. For example, “Right now, my children are safe.” Or “Right now, we have what we need.” This simple shift in language can help the brain regain a sense of safety and control.

Ultimately, there is no shortcut through the emotional grief of a senseless tragedy. When parents take the time to process their emotions, they’re better able to show up for themselves and their children from a regulated state, rather than out of fear or anxiety.