Last week, we talked about the flashback. That is, closing your eyes and picturing the sweet, innocent child who once lived in your home. Today we’re talking about the flash forward. That is, closing your eyes and thinking about the person you hope she becomes in the future.

Of course, we’re always playing both the long game and the short game when we’re raising teenagers. We’re simultaneously trying to figure out where they’ll go to college and what kind of career they can pursue while also making sure they’re being respectful and finishing their homework every night.

But what if we looked at each interaction through the lens of the long game? What if the next time a conflict bubbled up, we closed our eyes and thought, “How should I be in this interaction if I want her to be the best adult she can be?” Would it keep us from getting into another power struggle? Would it keep us from beating down our message for the tenth time? Would it keep us from focusing too much on something that’s really actually insignificant?

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily work of raising teenagers that we forget to look forward. When we close our eyes and picture this child as an adult, is what we’re dealing with important? Will it affect that outcome? If so, how can we mold and shape this interaction to help guide her in that way? If not, can we let it go?