If we want to prevent bullying in schools, we must not only help those who are being bullied, but also support students who are displaying bullying behavior. By working to understand the underlying causes of bullying, we can help these students become more connected, empathetic and kind individuals—thereby breaking the cycle of bullying behavior.

Chase the Why to Form Connections

All children desire connection and longing. Students who display bullying behavior are often seeking connection. One thing educators can do is help them understand safe ways to connect and teach them how to build better relationships with others.

How to help: Approach these students with curiosity and offer them support. Assure them that you are a safe adult and that they can count on you. Then help them identify other safe relationships in their life so they know that they have people they can turn to and trust.

Practice Impulse Control & Self-Regulation

Learning how to stop harmful behavior in the moment can be difficult. This is especially true for students who may have limited impulse control. Helping students understand and practice stopping immediately is essential to building this skill. It’s not always easy, but impulse control and self-regulation are skills that can be cultivated.

How to help: One way to practice this with the whole class is through games like red light, green light. Remember, when children can honor another child’s request to stop harmful behavior, it increases their ability to connect and form relationships with others.

Label the Behavior, Not the Child

When a child’s behavior has been reported, this child may be more likely to be frustrated or feel a sense of injustice. They may, in turn, engage in more harmful behavior as a response to the report.

How to help: Make sure the child understands that what they did is different from who they are as a person. In other words, the child isn’t bad, but their behavior is harmful. This can be communicated by letting them know that their behavior is not safe, but that they are still valued and important.

Build Self-Awareness and Empathy

Students who bully may struggle to empathize with others and often don’t understand the impact of their actions. It is essential to work with these students on recognizing how their behavior impacts others and teach them how to respect boundaries while still expressing themselves effectively.

How to help: Use role-playing or stories that help children recognize and practice empathy. Present different scenarios and ask questions about how they think someone might feel. How would they feel if the same thing happened to them?

Promote Acts of Kindness

Showing acts of kindness may not come naturally to some students. This isn’t because they’re unkind or less capable of kindness, but because they may not have been on the receiving end of kindness throughout their life.

How to help: Provide these students with additional support. Work with them one-on-one to come up with kind words or actions and help them practice how they’ll implement them.

Every child is capable of growth and change. With the right guidance, students who once displayed bullying behavior can become more compassionate, connected members of their school community.

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