Bullying is an unfortunate challenge in many schools and communities. Bullying can cause lasting harm to all parties involved. Both the causes and the solutions to bullying are complex. But before any interventions can occur, it is important to clear up common misconceptions. Below are a few commonly held beliefs about bullying, and the truth behind each of them.

Misconception: "Bullying is just a part of growing up."

Truth: Bullying need not be a normal part of childhood. All children should have the opportunity to be safe from harm. This is a dangerous myth, as we know that bullying can cause lasting damage. It is important that we do not dismiss bullying as a normal developmental stage and instead work to erase it from childhood.

Misconception: “Physical aggression is developmentally appropriate.”

Truth: While children can engage in roughhousing and physical behavior, it is important to recognize when the behavior goes too far and causes physical harm to themselves or others. It is important to allow kids to learn appropriate and safe ways to move their bodies.

Misconception: "Kids will work it out on their own."

Truth: Many children are not equipped to handle the complexity of bullying without support from an adult. Bullying often requires intervention from adults to stop the cycle of abuse and provide support for both the child being harmed and the child causing harm. Strategies and follow up must get to the root causes behind these behaviors.

Misconception: "Ignoring bullying will make it stop."

Truth: Children need the support of adults to feel safe in a bullying situation. Asking children to ignore active harm against them can escalate the issue and also extend the emotional damage done. When we address bullying as quickly and safely as possible, we help children learn that when they seek help, it will be met by the adults in their lives.

Misconception: “Bullies are bad.”

Truth: While bullying behavior is unsafe and causes harm to others, it is not necessarily true that all children who engage in bullying are bad kids. The truth is, children’s behavior has a variety of root causes, including life experiences, relationships with adults, and opportunities for learning. Children who engage in bullying behavior often have a deficit in one or more of these areas. This might be a history of trauma, a lack of secure relationships with adults, or something getting in the way of their ability to learn and function at school. It is important not to label children who engage in bullying because we rarely have the full picture. While we should have empathy and seek to understand what may be affecting a child’s decision-making, we also can hold boundaries and encourage children to know what is and is not acceptable behavior.

Understanding what bullying is and how it manifests allows schools, families, and communities to take appropriate actions to prevent and address it. It is key to find a balance of education, intervention, and adult support so that children, both those engaging in aggressive, harmful behavior and those who are the recipients of these acts do not bear the responsibility of solving these problems alone.

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