Has this happened to you? It’s late, but you can’t sleep because your mind won’t stop replaying a tough conversation from earlier in the day. You need reassurance, but no one’s awake, so you open up an AI chat for a little late-night support. Or maybe you’re navigating a tricky situation with a friend and turn to AI for help with sorting out what to say.

Sometimes, the responses we get from those chatbots can feel surprisingly comforting. They can put words to our feelings and even provide a little relief when we’re stressed. This kind of validation can be helpful, but it isn’t the same as co-regulation, which only happens through real human connection.

What Exactly is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation is a back-and-forth process between two people that helps restore emotional balance. It’s not just about words. It includes things like tone of voice, facial expressions, body language and physical presence.

If you’ve ever seen a mom soothing her crying toddler with a soft touch and calming voice, that’s co-regulation. This is how our brains first learn to regulate emotions, and it doesn’t stop there. Co-regulation can happen between friends, family members, co-workers and even a kind stranger.

The power of co-regulation is that it impacts both our minds and our bodies. When we feel seen and safe with another person, our breath and heartbeat slow down, our muscles relax and we feel at ease. This is our nervous system literally syncing up with the other person's—and a chatbot can’t replicate this physical reaction.

How is that Different from AI Validation?

When we interact with AI, it can mimic empathy by offering supportive statements. This can be exactly what we need sometimes. It can make us feel seen and understood. It gives us a chance to slow down and reflect on what’s happening. But here’s the thing: those responses are based on complex algorithms and learned behavior, not genuine feelings.

It’s more of a one-way street, with AI offering information and validation, but no real emotional exchange happening beneath the surface. On the other hand, when we’re able to co-regulate with another person who is calm and present, our brain and body can actually begin to mirror that behavior.

Why it Matters

Many of us are turning to AI in moments of dysregulation. This can be a helpful tool, but it can’t replace the co-regulating that happens with another human. AI can’t hold us, breathe with us, laugh or cry with us. It doesn’t have a heartbeat or a nervous system that can sync with ours.

So, while AI can be useful in the right situation, as a late-night listener or a quick problem solver, it’s not a substitute for human interaction. When we need true connection and perspective, we have to remember to reach out to our people, too.