By Matthew Leahy, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist, Director of Group Programming, Momentous Institute  

It’s easy to set resolutions at the beginning of the year, but we all know how hard it can be to keep them going. That’s because most of us set goals based on outcomes instead of tying them to our values. Keeping resolutions isn’t about willpower or discipline; it’s about alignment. When we connect change to who we want to become, keep goals small, and respond to setbacks with self-compassion, results will follow. Here’s how to rethink your resolutions for lasting change.

Lead with Values

Values are what get you out of bed in the morning. Resolutions can fail when they’re only focused on outcomes, such as losing a few pounds or spending less money. They stick when they’re based on what you truly care about and are aligned with how you want to live, like being healthy or having financial freedom. Instead of “I want to exercise every day,” try an intention based on your values: “I value my physical health and want to feel strong and energized.” When goals align with our values, they feel meaningful rather than something we feel obligated to do.

Change Starts with Identity

When resolutions fail, it’s usually because we’ve fallen back to our familiar patterns. Our brains naturally push back on behaviors that don’t fit with how we see ourselves. That’s why resolutions work best when they’re identity-based, not task-based. Instead of focusing on what you’re doing, focus on who you want to become. Rather than saying, “I’m trying to quit eating sugar,” try reframing it as, “I’m becoming someone who eats to feel energized.” When resolutions align with identity, change feels natural, not forced.

Practice Self-Compassion

Harsh self-talk makes people give up on their goals sooner. Shame activates the brain’s threat system, which usually leads to avoidance rather than growth. On the other hand, self-compassion increases persistence after setbacks. Try talking to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend. Reframe negative thinking, like, “I messed up, what’s wrong with me?” to positive self-talk, like, “This is hard, but I’m learning. I can try again.” Consistency comes from kindness, not punishment.

Start Small

Start with an easy goal based on the habit you want to develop. If it feels hard, it’s too big. Commitment grows from small, repeatable actions aligned with your values. Instead of all-or-nothing thinking like, “It’s not worth doing if I only have two minutes,” practice progressive thinking: “Two minutes is enough to create a habit and keep it alive.” Motivation comes from taking action, not the other way around. Over time, small actions lead to real change.

Redefine Success

Measure success by showing up, not by results. Progress isn’t always linear, and setbacks are a natural part of the process. If you fall off, just start back up. Every time we start again, we build resilience.

This year, when you think about resolutions, strive for alignment over perfection. Start small, stay kind to yourself and keep showing up. That’s how New Year’s resolutions lead to change that lasts.